Had lots of fun Wednesday night. Went over to Babushka's place and did the karaoke thing until 2am. Everyone came over and got drunk, especially The Funk. He is funny when he is drunk. Well, he's funny all the time. I have great friends.
Yesterday was another boring day.
I woke up a little late, 9am, and went to the gym. Another good workout.
After I got back home and took a shower I called IslandGrl. This was a milestone of sorts. I have not initiated a personal conversation with her since we laid it all out a few months ago. The only times I have called her was when she left a voicemail and specifically asked me to call her back. So I called her and she didn't answer her phone. I left a message letting her know that I just got out of the gym and I would have liked to have had lunch with her.
Then I called The Funk to see if he wanted to have lunch but he was swamped with work. He got in late because of all the drinking the night before.
So I went to T.G.I.Friday's by myself. As soon as I sat down my phone started ringing. I was pleasantly surprised to see that it was IslandGrl. It was nice to see that she now knows how to return phone calls.
So she asked me what I was doing and I told her I was going to have lunch at T.G.I.Fridays. She asked if I was alone and then gave me a bunch of shit when I told her that I was going to have lunch alone. She always gives me shit about eating alone but she never offers to join me when I tell her that if she came over I wouldn't be alone. She said that she already made plans to have lunch with one of her girl friends but that her day was clear and she would call me after lunch. She said we could spend the day together.
You don't even know how hearing those words made me feel. I haven't seen her since mid summer and the thought of spending a good part of the day with her had me on cloud 9. In my mind I was going over how I would give her the biggest kiss when I saw her. How I would hold her hand and look into her eyes. How I would have the chance to tell her how much I missed her and how much she means to me and she would be able to see the emotions pouring out of me with her own eyes.
I started lunch with the Tuscan Spinach Dip. I thought it would be a small lunch size appetizer but they brought out a big ass plate of it with tortilla chips and bread. Then I had the Jack Daniel's Steak and Shrimp with veggies and mashed potatoes. Oh man my lunch was soooo good! I was savoring every bite. The steak was nice and big and they didn't over cook it. The shrimp were good too. I like the way they batter the Jack Daniel's shrimp. It's not very bready, it's a very light batter.
So after lunch I came back home and made myself busy with chores. I was cleaned and organized my room, organized my dirty clothes to wash today, organized my CDs. Then I watched TV and daydreamed about the time I was going to spend with IslandGrl.
I dozed off and woke up around 5pm and when I checked my cell phone there was no call from IslandGrl. So i figured out day together was going to turn into an evening together. I could deal with that. I watched some more TV and then made an audio CD for my roommate from one of his concert DVDs.
By 8pm I was worried. I know IslandGrl has to go to hula practice at that time and she wouldn't be home until 10pm or later. I started feeling down but thought to myself that maybe she would call me after and I would get to spend the night. She loved my massages and after a hard hula practice she would just melt in my hands.
By 11pm I knew that wasn't going to happen. I wasn't going to call her because I just don't want to seem like I'm desperately trying to get her attention. I'm not trying to act aloof either though. I'm not the type to play games. I have to let the people around me know exactly how I feel about them. If you are my friend then I want you to feel the friendship. If I don't like you then I want you to know that I don't like you. In the case of IslandGrl I have feelings for her and I want her to know that, but I don't want to ram it down her throat.
I don't know why I let my feelings for her get to be the way they are. I have such control over my emotions. I'm am rational to a fault. it's what has kept me from getting trapped in relationships up to this point. I rationalize that it would never work as a long term thing with whoever I am seeing and I am very honest about it.
She did call me today though, while I was at the gym. She is back at work today and she needed help with a customer. It was a completely impersonal call, no acknowledgment of me as someone any different than all of her other co-workers. It completely burns me up when I have things to say and she only contacts me when I am in a position of not being able to say them.
Could I call her tonight after work and confront her? Yeah, but I won't. She has to practice for a performance that she is doing on Saturday for someone's wedding. I don't want to put myself in the position of being the asshole who is trying to interfere with her hula by bringing up personal matters.
I really don't know what the fuck i'm going to do about all of this.
12:02 p.m. - 2004-10-01
Recent entries:
Oklahoma - 2005-11-07
Obey! - 2005-11-03
Back From Boston - 2005-10-27
Lots of Updates - 2005-10-24
Back to Work - 2005-10-10
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