So yesterday I met Kelly and her son Daniel. Kelly was cool and Daniel is a lively little critter.
We met at the Bay Street Coffee Co. I don't drink coffee because of my pansy ass stomach so I had an orange and creme soda that tasted pretty watered down. If you are looking for a good orange and creme soda you should drink Stewart's brand. It has a really rich full flavor.
So anyway, we kicked it for a while there chatting and stuff. Honestly, Kelly did most of the chatting because I went into retardo mode and just sat there with a stupid look on my face. I won't be seeing her again until we leave for San Simeon at the butt crack of dawn this Saturday.
Ok, let me tell you about my poop today. It almost killed me.
So I went to the restroom to take a dump and stuff. I went into the handicap stall because everyone knowe that is the best stall to poop in. I mean you get all that room and it is usually the most concealed stall. What if a handicap person needed that stall while I was in there you say? Fuck the handicap, I had some business to take care of. Handicap people wear diapers anyway.
So i'm in there and I put my usuall three toilet seat condoms on the toilet seat and then dropped my drawz and sat my fat ass down on the pot. So first I peed 'cause i'm a pansy ass fairy like that. Then the real deal started happening. My poop started it's painfully slow crawl out of my ass. It was coming out unusually slow and I was concerned.
Then it happened. About halfway out of my butthole the Poop Factory workers went on strike. My poop was stuck halfway out of my bunghole. I was all like, "oh fuck." So I sat there for a while. It was really uncomfortable though. I felt like a really big poop. I was just sitting there with my butthole stretched to the hilt with a poop that wouldn't move preventing my releif.
So after a while I decided to take some action. I gave a little push and nothing happened. So then I bore down and gave it my all. I swear to fucking god I was on the verge of death. I could feel the blood pressure in my skull shoot up. It felt like the blood vessels in my face where going to burst. My lips got all tingly and I finally gave up. That would have been a site if a blood vessel in my brain burst, and the blood vessels in my face exploded. Someone would have found me on the floor of the handicap stall with a bloody exploded face and a poop hanging out of my butt.
So I decided on another tactic. I wiggle my butt around a bit. It didn't work at first but then I started hearing a bunch of little plops. It seemed like my poop was breaking up. Then I realized something. My giant poop wasn't really one big poop. It was a bunch of small pebble poops that had amassed together to form a giant poop conglomeration! Eventually all the poop pebbles fell into the toilet and the last poop pebble slid out of my butt. I was free! Yay!
Anyway, i'm going home now. Beware of the killer poop pebbles!
5:02 p.m. - 2003-04-10
Recent entries:
Oklahoma - 2005-11-07
Obey! - 2005-11-03
Back From Boston - 2005-10-27
Lots of Updates - 2005-10-24
Back to Work - 2005-10-10
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