So, I am sure you all are just sitting on pins and needles to hear about my weekend trip to San Simeon with Kelly. So here are all the juicy details.
Ok, I woke up hella early on Saturday morning, 5:15am. I was surprised that I actually woke up. For the last week I have been sleeping right through my alarm. I was sure that I would sleep until like 7am and then we would have to drive down all by ourselves. But nope, I woke up on time.
I jumped in the shower, washed my bits and peices, brushed my teeth, shaved, and threw some gel in my hair. Then I threw the clothes that I thought i was going to need for the the weekend into my work bag (yes, i didn't pack the night before). Then i was off to pick up Kelly.
When I got in my car I noticed that I had less than half a tank of gas in the car. I was already cutting it close but I decided to get gas first then pick up Kelly. I called her while I was pumping the gas to let her know that I was on the way. I don't think you are supposed to do that. The talking on the cell phone part while pumping gas thingy. Oh well.
So I raced over to Kelly's and went right past her apartment complex. HAHA, i'm such a dork. I had looked up the address she gave me on Yahoo Maps and it said that her aparment complex was on the corner of Stevenson and some other street, so I went all the way to the corner. She called me when she saw my car whiz by to tell me that I wen too far. I threw the car in reverse and she walked towards me. We met somewhere in the middle.
So we were off to the check-in spot down in Gilroy. We got down there well before the departure time of 7:30. We registered, got our welcome package with the days itinerary and then checked out the massive amount of Corvettes in the parking lot. There were four rows of cars about 30 or so cars deep. I have pictures that I will upload tomorrow.
So with some time to kill we went into the nearby McDonald's so Kelly could get some grub. She got a #6 with a medium Dr. Pibb. I probably should have gotten something but being around a new person and with the nerves and all I didn't want to take a chance. We got back to the car just as all the other guys started firing up their cars to get going down to San Simeon.
We hit the freeway in a giant Corvette Caravan. I am sure there were many people along the way who were amazed at the site of over 100 Corvettes stretched out on the freeway all obeying the speed limit. I swear to you all these dudes were cruising at the speed limit. This is a little different than the other Corvette gatherings that I have attended. The guys I usually kick it with are a bit more rebellious. They don't do anyhing stupid like go 100mph on the freeway but you can bet that they reach speeds of at least 85mph. When you think about it most people drive in that range anyway so its not really like speedking.
So I was chugging water on the drive down and about an hour and a half into it I felt some extreme pressure building up in my bladder. I knew we had a scheduled stop about two hours into the drive but I wasn't sure I was going to make it. We kept looking for rest stops or gas stations to pull over to so i could pee but we saw nothing. Then we saw a gas station in the distance and there was a huge sign that said "OPEN". I thought , "aaaah, releif" but boy was I wrong. When we pulled up to it we saw that it was an abandoned gas station hat was fenced off. There were several other guys that had pulled off at the same exit and they just went down the offramp to pee. I would have done the same thing but I knew that Kelly probably hd to pee too so it wouldn't have been fair for me to go out there when she couldn't.
So I got back on the freeway and toughed it out for about half an hour. We finally reached out rest stop and all of the Corvettes pulled off of the freeway. All the other dudes and chicks had to pee so it was a mad dash to the restrooms. I was standing in line doing the pee pee dance, I had to go so bad. I think the dude using the urinal next to me was checking out my package.
So I finished my pee pee and washed my hands and went outside to check out the peepz. They had sent a box truck ahead to the rest stop to set up some tables with donuts and juice boxes. That was mighty swell of them. I grabbed a maple donut and chowed down. mmmmm maple. Then we were off.
Our next stop was San Simeon...actually it was Cambria, a few miles away from San Simeon. We pulled off at Cambria and cruised the Vettes down the main street. A lot of people found parking spaces and stayed there. We kept going all the way to San Simeon and tried to check into the hotel. The lady at the front desk told us we couldn't check in until 2pm, it was 11:30. ACK!!!
So we headed back down to Cambria to walk around and maybe get something to eat. We were lucky in that we found a parking space without too much of a hassle. We walked around and it started sprinkling a little, it was a sign of things to come. We decided to eat at this small pub. Kelly had a grilled cheese sandwich and I had the armadillo eggs (jalapeno poppers) and a grilled beef and cheese sandwich. It was ok, but the cheese was really mucky and practically glued my mouth shut. They were definitely using american processed cheesefood, not slices of cheddar or anything like that.
After eating we went for a walk around Cambria. It's mostly filled with little shops with various kinds of touristy junk. There were a shitload of realty offices. There were also quite a few art galleries. We went into one of them. Howard Kline's Modern Art Gallery. We thought that for sure Modern Art meant lots of boobees. All of the modern art in this gallery was from....tada!!!...Howard Kline. And who do you think owned and operated the gallery? You guessed it, Howard Kline! I guess the people of the Cambria/San Simeon area fashion themselves modern art masters and set up their own gallerie wehre they hawk their art at prices that would make you think that they were already dead. Oh don't worry, if you can't afford the real thing you can but one of the many prints of this master's work in various sizes and prices. Cause you know Howard Kline feels that art should be for the people. As we were leaving he asked us if there was any piece that we were interested in. My reply was,"I really didn't see anything in there that stood out." He replied with a ,"oh, i can see you are just browsing around" I should have said, "mothafucka we be all up in har lookin' fo some boobees and you ain't got shit up in har!" But we just took one of his cards and walked out.
Our next stop was this shop that was devoted to dogs, with some car stuff in there too. The place smelled like a mangy mutt. Pee eew. They had a bunch of stuff in there that I am sure dog lovers would drool over all day long.
We walked around a bunch more and stopped at a bunch of little shops looking at the various trinkets that the locals were selling to the tourists. Then I had to pee. I blame this urge to pee on a sign that I saw when we passed the Cambria Chamber of Commerce. It said, "restrooms, 1/2 block to the left" with an arrow pointing in the direction one should go if they have to make poopy. So we went back to the public restroom. I thought that while I was going to go pee I might as well try to squeeze a poop out too. That idea went down the toilet as soon as I walked in there and smelled the damage that was being done in the stall by it's current occupant. It was just going to be pee pee for me thank you.
After the joy of using a public bathroom we walked around some more and then headed back to the hotel to see if they would let us have our room. It was 1:30. I walked in and there was a different lady at the front desk. Not wanting to be as presumptious as the first time I went to the front desk this time I asked the lady if it was ok forus to check in a little early. She looked at me like I was retarded and said there was nothing wrong with checking in early. So I signed the papers and she told me that the nights free movies were going to be The Karate Kid and Saving Private Ryan and what channel I had to turn to to watch them, she also gave me our free continental breakfast tickets.
So we brought our stuff into the room. Did I mention that it was now pretty much raining steadily at this point. So we brought our stuff into the room and chilled for a bit. At two o'clock we took off for the party and raffle spot. We got the paper from the welcome packet we received in the morning to find out where everyone was going to meet and it just said to meet at the Best Western at 2. We looked at the telephone book and there was only one Best Western in San Simeon and two in Cambria. We figured that it must be the one in San Simeon since it was after all called "The San Simeon Hearst Castle Tour".
So we went to the front desk and I asked the lady how to get to Hearst Drive, since that was where the Best Western was. She said to go up Hwy 1 about 3 miles and then take a left. That sounded easy enough. We jumped in the car and took off up Hwy 1. Welp, 3 miles up and to the left we were at Hearst Castle not Hearst Drive. We headed the highway a bit more but it was pretty obvious that we weren't going to run into Hearst Drive any time soon. So we turned around and headed back towards San Simeon. We turned off at another spot that looked promising but again, no Hearst Castle or Best Western.
So we drove back to San Simeon and this time pulled off on the opposite side of the highway from our Hotel. There we were, Hearst Drive and there was a Best Western. Only problem is there were no Corvettes in the parking lot. I looked in the restaurant that was attached to the hotel and it was practically empty. So we figured it was at one of the two Best Western's in Cambria and since there is really just one main street in Cambria it should be no problem finding them.
So we drove to Cambria. We got there and there were no Best Westerns to be seen. I stopped at the Shell station and went in to ask the cashier dude how to get to the Best Westerns. Yes, I'm a man and I will ask for directions if I am lost. So the dude told me where the Best Westerns were but also said that all the Corvette dudes were going to some lodge. He gave me the directions to the lodge and we were off.
We followed his directions to the lodge but it led us to a residential area and there were no Covettes in sight. So we went to the Best Westerns and found one of them. Again, no Corvettes in sight. At this point we had been criss crossing te countryside for over an hour. I finally had enough and said we were heading back to the hotel. I thought that I had brought a paper that I printed off of the internet that had the initial info released regarding this trip to San Simeon.
So we get to the hotel and the initial plan was to run in and see if I had that paper and if it had some additional info on it. The plans changed when I the urge to take a dump hit me. I guess all of that driving around and not knowing where the hell we were going had irritated my bowels or somthing. So I took a big nasty dump. Luckily I brought my Pottery Barn Island Scented Room Spray. Yay room spray!!!
So I got my bad and looked for the paper. It said that the party was going to be at the Courtesy Inn. The fucking Courtesy Inn!!! This was like one fucking block away from our hotel. Why the fuck would they put down to meet at the Best Western at 2 for wine and cheese when the original plan was to meet at the Courtesy Inn??? Anyway, we got out of the now stinky hotel room and went to the Courtesy Inn. Meanwhile the rain started coming down a little harder.
We got in to the pool room where he party and raffle was going on and it hit me what a mistake I made being there. I looked around and all I saw was old people. Mind you there weren't middle aged people in their respective crisis'. These people were mostly senior citizens. It was like walking into a bingo parlor.
The place was already packed but luckily we found one chair for Kelly to sit in. The main raffle was already going on so I missed out on that. I went up to the registration desk and told them about the inconsistencies between the information they gave everone that morning and the original information. They apologized and gave me 3 extra raffle tickets for the Big Board raffle. This was the part of the raffle where they gave away stuff like DVD players, a Borla Exhaust system, 23" TV, Bicycles, and stuff autographed by Jeff Garcia of the 49ers. I didn't win jack shit.
So as we left we were in a full on monsoon. We went back to the hotel room. Thank god the smell of my poo had dissapated. I left the fan on which probably helped out a lot.
Kelly decided she was going to soak in the tub for a while and I decided I would watch Spongebob Squarepants on tv. after a couple of minutes the freakin' tv went out. I tried callig the front desk but they didn't answer the phone. I thought about going up to the front desk to ask what was going on but I was too tired. I layed on the bed trying not to fall asleep. I knew if I fell asleep that I would have a hard time sleeping later. Spongebob came back on after about half an hour.
Kelly got out of the tub and started doing what chicks do to get ready to go out to dinner or something. We didn't really get dressed up or anything since the rain was coming down hard and we were going to end up soaking wet anyway. We watched some tv before we left. We watched a couple of episodes of Blind Date. They were funny. One of them triggered something in my bowels and I had to go poopy again. We caught a little bit of one of the free movies, The Karate Kid, and then forced ourselves to walk out the door.
There was no place to eat in San Simeon so we went to Cambria to find a place to eat. We drove around a bit and then saw this place off of the main street. We pulled up on the street in front of an italian restaurant. I parked behind this red Mitsubishi and this blonde bitch came out with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth. It was obvious that she was talking shit about us because we had parked behind her car. She was making hand gestures like we were too close to her precious Mitsubishi. Not wanting to take a chance that this trailer trash bitch was going to do something to my car if I left it there I decided to park somewhere else. When we walked by this bitch's car we saw that she had at least 10 fucking feet of clear space in front of her! Even if I had put my bumper 1 inch away from hers she would have had plenty of room to get out. I wanted to kick her fucking door in.
We had a nice dinner at Mustasche Pete's Italian Eatery. We had an order of garlic bread. Kelly had the Fettucine Alfredo and I had the Veal Parmagiana. I know what veal is people, ok. I know that the little cows live miserable lives in a small pen where they are fattened up to be slaughtered. They just taste so damn good! Those little fat bastards are tastey yo! All smothered with cheese on top of some penne pasta in a marinara sauce. Mmmm mmm good.
So we decided that we weren't going to try to find he Cambria/San Simeon nightlife. We were just going to go back to the hotel room and call it an early night. And yes for those of you have had this on your dirty little minds, I did reserve a room with two beds.
So we got back to the hotel room and put on our sleeping attire. She had some boxers and t-shirt. I had my Spongebob Squarpants pj's that yurpapurgrl bought me for my b-day. Thank you again very very much papurgrl! ::smootchies for you::
I woke up sometime during the night because I almost rolled right off of my bed. I bet I was tossing and turning all night long. I was probably making all sorts of weird noises and stuff in my sleep. I wouldn't be surprised if I farted in my sleep all night long. I'll have to check Kelly's diary to see what weird shit she had to suffer through that night.
The next morning we woke up around 9am, our reservations for Hearst Castle were for 11am. We had enough time to get breakfast and then head over to the castle but then her dad called. It turned out that Kelly's son Daniel had gotten sick overnight and Kelly had to get home right way. So we packed up all our shit as fast as we could to get out of there. Kelly went to get our free continantal breakfast. She got me three mini bluebarry muffins and an orange juice. I only ate two of the blueberry muffins and didn't go anywhere near the orange juice. The monkey is allergic to oranges and one sip of that OJ would have fucked my shit up real good. My normal allergies were already fucked up enough as it is. I didn't need snot flying out of my nose and poop flying out of my butt all the way home. I didn't tell Kelly about my aversion to OJ though, I just drank the bottled water that I had brought.
So we drove home in a fucking monsoon. Rain rain rain. Blah! The weather got nice about halfway up here. I wish it would have been that way while we were down in San Simeon.
Ok, I have to watch 8 Mile now because my boss gave me the DVD and i'm sure she is going to ask me if I liked it tomorrow at work. Later haters.
6:22 p.m. - 2003-04-13
Recent entries:
Oklahoma - 2005-11-07
Obey! - 2005-11-03
Back From Boston - 2005-10-27
Lots of Updates - 2005-10-24
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