I had breakfast today. I haven't had breakfast in a long time. I had a turkey sausage and cheese omelet with potatoes, onions, mushrooms, and green peppers on the side. And I had white toast with grape jelly.
Tonight is Mark's birthday. The guys want to do their traditional single guy birthday night thingy. It basically consists of getting him drunk then taking him to one of the many "Asian Massage" parlors in San Francisco. It is a relatively new tradition, only about a year old.
***brb, I have to go fart***
Ok, so back to "Asian Massage" parlors. Why is it that the Asian's are so intent on massaging the wiener? How did that whole tradition come about? I'm not complaining or anything. It's a service that needs to be provided I guess.
So I am not too sure about whether I will kick it with the guys tonight. I might just go to have a drink but I can't really stay out late because I have to go to work tomorrow. Then there is that whole incident that I had the last time we went to the massage parlor that they go to.
We went there for somebody's bday, not really sure whose right now. So we go in there to give our friend his bday gift. Let me explain that I am MEXICAN and my friends are all Asians of different varieties. The massage parlor is run by Chinese peoples. Not that race is a big deal with me, but it is a big deal to the people that operate this establishment and the girls who work there.
So we are there and as usual I'm lookin' better than John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. I've got my J. Crew shoes on, my DKNY silk shirt, and my Louis Raphael slacks, with some bling bling on my wrist. We were at a nearby club earlier. So our friend is being "massaged" in one of the many rooms.
Let me back up a minute and explain how the whole thing goes down from entering to exit for those of you who have never had the pleasure of the Asian Massage parlor experience.
This place has a parking lot that is kind of hidden to the side and behind the building. You have to drive down this dark alley to get to the entrance. So from the parking lot you can then go to this section of wood fence that swings open to reveal the real entrance to the massage parlor. So you walk up to the steel door and push this buzzer thingy and they have a security camera on you. If they approve of you then they buzz you in. You walk in and go down this hallway to the lobby area. There is a desk with a Chinese lady there. On the desk there is some hot tea for the customers, there is also a bowl of candy, that peppermint kind they give you at some restaurants after your meal. So there are two huge couches on both sides of the room. One side is for the customers, the other is for the massage therapists. So basically from what I observed during my one visit was that the customers sit there and talk and drink tea while looking over the ladies. The ladies sit on the other side and they knit. I'm am totally fucking serious. They were all knitting. I don't know what they were knitting, but they were going at it. Maybe this place is also a sweatshop that makes clothes for Wal-Mart or something. Next time you buy a knit sweater at Wal-Mart you better check for cum stains! Heehee. Off to one side is a TV which is showing Chinese TV shows. Sometimes the girls will stop knitting and go squat in front of the TV, there are no chairs I guess. So when a dood finally decides on that special massage lady he walks over to the other couch and they go to one of the rooms. The place looks like an old hotel or something so they have a shitload of rooms. Everything that happens from this point on I know from what my friends have told me, but it doesn't take a genius to figure it out. You hump, HUMP, HUMP! Then you go to the Japantown Denny's and have breakfast.
So back to MY massage parlor incident. So we are waiting for our friend to get his bday hump on and the Chinese lady at the desk says something to me but I don't know Chinese so I don't know what the hell she was saying. So I stand up and walk over and say, "yes". And she says, "you not Asian." and I'm all like, "yeah" and she's all like, "you give me $50." and I was like, "no." and she was like, "YOU GIVE ME $50!" and I was all like, "NO!" and she was all like, "YOU GIVE ME $50 NOW!" and I was all like, "I am here because my stupid friends think this is a cool way to celebrate someone's birthday, NO YANKY MY WANKY FOR ME!" and she was all like, "I DON'T LIKE YOU, YOU NOT ASIAN, YOU DON'T BELONG, YOU GIVE ME $50 OR YOU GET OUT!", and I was like, "FINE!" and I grabbed a handful of the peppermint candy and I left. Some of my friends came out with me and they were all like, "you should have just told her you were Filipino." and I was all like, "I don't give a fuck, that place is nasty anyway." and they were like, "doood, that place is run by the Chinese Mafia, you are lucky that no one came out and shot you."
So I don't know if I am going to go tonight and get into another fight with the Chinese lady at the desk or not. What do you think?
9:17 a.m. - 2002-12-05
Recent entries:
Oklahoma - 2005-11-07
Obey! - 2005-11-03
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Lots of Updates - 2005-10-24
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