So I got to witness something wonderful on the BART ride home last night...an out of shape middle aged white man trying to pick up on a young, early 20s Asian girl. It was pure comedy I tell you. I was thinking how Poocakes would love to be overhearing this conversation and I wished I could tape record it for her to watch over and over again.
She was in one of the very back rows in an aisle seat and I was standing right behind her because the train was full. When we emerged from the transbay tube and were approaching the West Oakland stop he decided to make his move. First he stumbled over to the back of the train but because of where I was standing he couldn't get right up on her. Then after standing there for a minute he bent down and put his face right in her face and made his opening comment. I didn't really catch what was said but it had to have been along the lines of "you squeezy me rikey!" From her head movement it must have startled her but she didn't mace him or anything.
He started some small talk about the clothes she was wearing. Something about noticing her with something similar on last week (oh boy can you say STALKER!) and she said that she was wearing the exact same outfit last Thursday. I think that made her really uncomfortable knowing that he has been checking her out since last Thursday if not longer. He kept making motions towards her and would reach in like he was going to touch her here or there but would stop like just a centimeter away from actually touching her. And he would just randomly pop his face right into hers to speak to her. It was a really herky jerky conversation like he needed time to reload after every short exchange.
I was really surprised that she kept on talking to him, but at the same time not surprised because I see women stop and talk to the smelly homeless guy in front of our building all the time. It's like if you make the effort to talk to a chick she will just stop and talk to you even if she thinks you are a disgusting creep.
Then he tried to impress her with his line of work, "Futures Trader". Yes, everyone is hot for futures traders! I think it was really an angle to try to talk mumbo jumbo that he thought would be over her head and sound important. Unfortunately for him the guy sitting next to her was a software programmer. What kind of software did he program? Software for futures trading! HAHAHAHAHAHA. So this guy wanted to join in on the conversation real bad to talk about futures trading. The girl seemed extremely relieved and the old white man seemed flustered.
A seat opened up across the aisle from the girl so I took it, allowing the white man to move into prime position to stare down her shirt and have his crotch just inches away from her shoulder. I am sure she really appreciated my move. Heehee. When I sat down I looked over at her and we exchanged smiles. I'm sure the meaning behind her smile was more along the lines of "I'm going to kill you, you fucking asshole!" It gave me a prime spot to be a spectator though. Up until that point I was a player in the whole game because I was keeping him from being all up on his woman and therefore there was some negative energy being shot my way. Now I was completely out of the way and he could focus on her while trying to get the Indian software programmer to shut up.
He decided to change tactics and stop talking about futures trading and instead wanted to talk about...HER BEING ASIAN!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Let me try to summarize this part of the conversation:
Whitey: So, you are Asian?
Asian: Uh, yeah...
Whitey: You are Japanese.
Asian: No.
Whitey: Really? You have Japanese cheeks.
Asian: ...
Whitey: You know I really prefer eating with chopsticks rather than a fork, even when I'm not eating Asian food.
Asian: I'm Thai.
Whitey: Huh?
Asian: I'm not Japanese, I'm Thai.
Whitey: Oh, well how do you like being in this country?
Asian: I like it just fine I guess, I was born here.
Whitey: Oh, so your mom married an American man? She likes American men?
Asian: My parents are both Thai and they immigrated here...
Whitey: Oh, but you like American men right? I mean do they want you to marry someone form your home country? Children of immigrants usually want to assimilate as fast as they can and marry outside of their home culture and their parents don't like that.
Asian: I'm nowhere near thinking of marriage with anybody, regardless of where they are from.
Whitey: Oh so you just want to date? You like going out on dates?
Asian: I have a boyfriend.
The white guy didn't have a comeback for that one so he just stood with his crotch by her shoulder and stared down her shirt for the rest of the train ride home. The awkward silence was wonderful. I had to keep myself from busting out laughing and rolling around on the floor.
"I prefer eating with chopsticks..." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, I'm going to go out and try that line sometime.
9:34 a.m. - 2005-04-05
Recent entries:
Oklahoma - 2005-11-07
Obey! - 2005-11-03
Back From Boston - 2005-10-27
Lots of Updates - 2005-10-24
Back to Work - 2005-10-10
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