Last night after I got home from work I ate a burrito enchilado de carnitas. It was good. It's a big fat burrito with shredded pork, rice, beans, sour cream and guac on the inside and drenched in enchilada sauce with melted cheese on top. I could eat one every day.
After that I went to The Funk's Lab. I put a few MP3s on his computer that he wanted to burn to a CD. Then Buddha came over and he asked The Funk to go somewhere with him. The Funk then asked me if I wanted to go. The Funk was giving Buddha directions and we ended up in a part of Newark that I had never been to before.
So The Funk is all like, "it's right back there...behind the 7-11. Pull around back." So we pull around behind the 7-11 and there was this big white sign with red letters "ADULT book store". We were at a porno shop. You know, the kind that has porno movies, magazines, dildos, lubes, edible undies, cock rings, french ticklers. Basically it had all of the essentials if you wanna get freak nasty.
I didn't ask why we were there. I just went with the flow. There was a sign that said that if you aren't buying something there is a 5 minute browsing time limit. I looked at my watch and took note of the time 'cause I fer damn sure wasn't buying anything there.
It was amazing all the things they had there. They had all kinds of movies. I quickly went up and down all the aisles quickly scanning the titles and the little images on the boxes. Cum Guzzlers, Anal Invaders, Mission Erotica....oh lordy lordy. And they had a big selection of the dildos. They had short stubby "white" ones, long thick "black" ones, they had one that looked like a long porcupine. I don't know which hole you stick that one in.
They also had a display of different lotions and stuff. They had the Prolong. Finnally I actually get to see the Prolong stuff that I have been receiving emails for all the time. It was selling for $14.95 for this little tube. They also had Joy Jelly.
I had an experience with Joy Jelly when I was a freshman in high school. These two girls that I knew, Evette and her friend Andrea, were walking by the house while I was outside washing my parents car. The stopped by and talked to me for a bit. I noticed that they had these small clear packets filled with red liquidy stuff and they were eating it. I asked them what kind of candy that was and they were all like, "it's not candy, it's joy jelly" and I'm all like, "joy jelly?" and they are all like, "yeah, it's a lube" and i'm all like, "lube?" and they are all like, "yeah, for sex. you rub it on each other when you have sex. it's flavored and it tastes good" and i'm all like, "really? what flavor is it?" and they are all like, "strawberry, come by Andrea's house a little later and you can taste it for yourself" And that's all i'm going to say about that.
So they also had the Astroglide and this other stuff that a girl is supposed to put on your weiner when she gives you a BJ. They also had various numbing creams and lotions. Why anyone would want their weiner numb is beyond me. They even had this stuff that was supposed to make a girls cootchie wetter and tighter. How it does this is beyond me.
The Funk asked the porno shop dude a bunch of questions about the various lotions and creams and stuff. He is going to the Phillipines for a couple of weeks soon and he wanted to get some supplies. The dude was all like, "you better check out the local laws in the Phillipines because a lot lof the stuff we sell here is not legal in other countries. Some of it isn't even legal in other states. Take Texas for example. If you drive into Texas with three dildos in your car and get pulled over they will throw you in jail. They will charge you with trafficing in "adult novelties", The Funk was all like, "oh, ok".
So we left there and The Funk got a phone call. He asked Buddha, who was driving, if we could stop by Arnell's house to pick something up real quick. I knew I was in trouble right there. We can never stop by Arnell's house "real quick". He always busts out with bottles of liquor and beer and insists that we don't leave. I was all like, "that coo, but we just can't be staying there late 'cause I have to wake up early, and there is no way i'm drinking tonight" and The Funk was all like, "dude, we're just going to pick something up and go, ok." So we get there and The Funk and Buddha bust out the beer and start drinking. Now we are out in the front yard because Arnell doesn't smoke in the house. So I am freezing my ass off wondering when the hell The Funk was going to pick up whatever it is that he wanted. Then Arnell's neighbor comes over and they start talking about getting something to drink. So The Funk is all like, "we can go pick up a bottle of Don Julio" and i was thinking to myself, "what the fuck? It's a fucking Monday night, I have work tomorrow. There is no fucking way that I am going to sit here in the front yard and start taking tequila shots."
So The Funk is all like, "hey stay here with Arnell. Buddha and I are going to the liquor store to get a bottle." Before I could say anything they were gone. When they got back I was all like, "so how long do you plan on staying here?" and The Funk looked all surprised and said, "why, you want to go home already?" and I was all like, "what the fuck, of course I want to go home already, I have to wake up at 5:30 in the morning to get ready for work, I'm not staying here drinking with you guys." So Buddha drove me back to The Lab where I picked up my car and went home.
This morning I woke up and my throat was sore and I was coughing. Blah!
8:03 a.m. - 2003-01-08
Recent entries:
Oklahoma - 2005-11-07
Obey! - 2005-11-03
Back From Boston - 2005-10-27
Lots of Updates - 2005-10-24
Back to Work - 2005-10-10
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