Ok, so happy new year. Here is what I did to celebrate.
I woke up at 5:30am on new year's eve because I had to work. Blah! It was like the busiest day of the year for me. Lots of shiznit has to be done by the end of business on the day for tax purposes. Damn you financial industry, damn you to hell!
So like a litle after 3pm we closed up shop and a few co-workers went to Fuzio's at the Embarcadero center. I had a few Tequini's and a giant bottle of Asahi Super Dry beer. I like Super Dry beer. It is good.
So then I went home and my roommates and their friend were getting ready to go to The GlasKat. They asked me if I was going to go with them and I said, "nope." I was really tired and there was no way I was going to a club and fight my way through the hot sweaty crowd just so I could order a drink that would be spilled on the floor before I got 10 feet.
I decided to go to my friend's new bar in Hayward. The Funk and his possee were going to be there and it was going to be a more mellow scene. I still kinda had reservations about going but I thought I would suck it up and be a trooper. DJ Mike asked that we each bring something to the bar so that there was food and stuff. So I bought $50 work of pepperoni pizza. Thank you pizza hut for being open late on NYE.
I got to the bar a bit after 10pm and there really wasn't anyone there that I knew. It seemed like it was filled with the regulars that used to drink there when the previous owner had the bar. I put my pizza's down on a table at the back of the bar and took a seat. Then some weird old lady got up from the bar and sat at a table next to me. I didn't really notice her as I was watching on of the TVs that were showing the NYE events around the country.
Then after a few minutes I noticed everyone was looking in my direction. I thought maybe I had a booger hanging out of my nose and I could feel myself turning red. Then people started laughing and shit and I wanted to get up and run out of there. Before I ran for it I caught something in the mirror against the wall. Something was moving around kind of near me but behind me. It was the old lady! She was drunk...AND HORNY!!!
She was doing some kind of weird dance and feeling up on herself like she was all sexay. It was sooooo icky! I couldn't move. I was frozen like a deer in headlights. At one point she turned to face the mirror and started grinding on the wall and stuff. I saw my opportunity and made a run for it. I ran behind the bar and told Tessie that the horny old lady was scaring me. She was going to throw her out of the bar but I was like, that's not really fair to the old lady. I mean she wasn't really doing anything wrong. She wasn't hurting anybody. I told Tessie to not kick her out unless she attacked somebody.
I called up the Funk and Possee to find out where they were. They were on their way, only about 10 minutes away. I told them to hurry because there was a horny lady there waiting for them. They were all like, "damn foo, we be der in a flash!" The trap had been set!
The old lady went back to the bar and tried to pick up on a few other men. She would walk up to a dood and then take her beer bottle and tilt her head all the way back while she fondled one of her old lady breasts with the other hand. It was amazing. I had never seen anything like that in my life. At one point the horny old lady got frustrated and shouted, "goddam, what there's nothing but faggots in har?" I wanted to tell the horny old lady not to worry, The Funk and possee would soon arrive.
I went back to my table and The Funk and Posse finally arrived. I made sure that I sat in the seat as far away from the horny old lady table as possible. Sure enough after everyone sat down the horny old lady came back to her table. Tessie came over to our table and handed out party favors. She gave out these little pins that had flashing lights on them. The Possee all put them on their shirts. They were the flashing light possee.
The horny old lady said hello to Buddha and Buddha was all like, "sup" and she was all like, "how are you doing tonight?" and he was all like, "good, good, happy new year" and she was all like, "happy new year to you tooooooooooo" and he was all like, "thank you" and she was all like, "I got one of those flashing pins too...it's on my tittie!" and she pulled her pulled her sweater thing open and grabbed a handfull of old lady boobee and shook it at Buddha. Heeheehee. Buddha was in shock, he couldn't say a work. I think he didn't know whether to laugh or puke. Oh my lord I wanted to die right then and there. That horrible image will forever be burned in my mind.
Tessie called a cab and as soon as it got there escored the old lady out. The entertainment for the evening was over.
The Funk asked to sing a karaoke song about 4 minutes before midnight. It was his secret plan to have the mic in his hands at midnight...and it worked. We brought in the new year The Funk stylee and all was good. The Possee headed outside to smoke a new year's stoogie. I don't really smoke but I figured what the hey, it's a special occasion. I couldn't light the cigar or anything so I just kinda chomped on it like I seen those army dudes do it in the movies. After a while my lips and tongue started stinging real bad and then they went numb. This was not good. I felt sick. I had OD'ed on nicotein yo! I was nicotein madness! I told everyone I wasn't feeling well and went home, it was about 12:30.
I got home and drank a couple of tall glased of white cranberry and strawberry juice. It seemed to ease my stomach and I went to bed.
New Year's day I just kicked it wit my homee's and baked a couple of lasagna's. I brought one in to work to share with everyone. I'm a mad fly cook yo!
8:41 a.m. - 2003-01-02
Recent entries:
Oklahoma - 2005-11-07
Obey! - 2005-11-03
Back From Boston - 2005-10-27
Lots of Updates - 2005-10-24
Back to Work - 2005-10-10
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